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  • Jacqueline Le Sueur

Just 6 Weeks Disabled : S - 2 | A dust storm of worry & the Rocking Chair Philosophy

Updated: Jan 29, 2020

I awoke at 03:40 this morning. Struggling to breathe. A maelstrom of muddled thoughts running across the plains of my mind. No chance of making any sense of anything. Just a dust storm of worry, intense worry.

Turned on the wireless. Normally the early morning World Service programmes lull me back to sleep. Not through lack of interest but rather that they provide a lullaby of white noise. Not today. Tossing. Turning. Duvet off. Duvet held tight. Hot water bottle clutched tight to my chest. Then cast aside. Doing my best to let my worries dissipate without giving them the attention they craved.

‘Remember Enzina,' I said to myself. My wonderful African mama of 40 years ago. For goodness sake, I am writing a book based around Enzina's philosophy ... 'Worry is like a rocking chair; it gives you something to do but doesn’t get you anywhere.' I know, I know. Easy to say, so hard to do.



Rest. Please rest.

I must’ve fallen back to sleep as I opened my eyes, looked at my watch and it was a respectable time - 05:55. Tweet of the Day. An OK time to open the curtains, make a cup of tea and start today.

I’m going on a business workshop this afternoon run by North Devon +, a local enterprise funded by the EU, in whole or in part I’m not sure. I think the District Council is involved too. I saw the workshop advertised as part of a series when I was in the waiting room whiling away time before the start of my naughty driver speed awareness course last week. I’m glad I phoned them. The workshop is part of an initiative comprising workshops and one to one coaching with various types of experts as I understand it. Fully funded, the aim being to support local businesses. I am looking forward to it. They have said I can complete the workshop series and have my coaching once I'm mobile again. I train and coach others in most of what is covered and have done for years however I need a new perspective. I have to find a way to get business, most especially how to canvass for new business without falling foul of the GDPR. I have redone all the meta data on my main website in the past week. It’s increased impressions and click throughs but I’m no expert. So I’m looking forward to meeting one. It is always good for the trainer to be the trainee. It enriches the mind, as it always does being the trainer, too, however from a different perspective. There is always something to learn.

I spent a wonderful couple of hours yesterday with old friends. We went for a walk. A walk. It involved feet. I’ve never been so grateful for my feet as I am at the moment. It was glorious to feel the warmth of the sun on my face after so many days of dull, grey rain. The trees are wearing their autumn finery and just for a moment all was right with the world. It was wonderful.

My friend is experienced with crutches. Unlike me. It hadn’t dawned on me that when you use crutches you don't have any hands free. I mean to say ... how daft am I that this thought did not cross my mind. She gave me some very useful tips about how to use a bag round your next to carry things from one room to another. Excellent. However, as she pointed out, drinks and food are a whole ‘nother matter. The drinks issue I think is easily sorted by using a flask. I do have a tiffin box but it’s up in London so food transport may have to be in a Tupperware (other plastic, seal tight containers are available). Something for me to ponder today.

My toe hurts, more than ever. I am pleased. It is stopping my temptation to cancel. The hospital called yesterday, or more correctly, the surgeon's secretary, reminding me to take the disc with my scans and X-rays on. I’m first on the list apparently. I’m pleased about that. Nowt worse than sitting in a hospital bed waiting for them to come and get you. Every noise like the sound of a metronome timing time away.

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