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  • Jacqueline Le Sueur

Just Six Weeks Disabled : S - 1 | Labels are not important and yet they are

Updated: Jan 29, 2020

What a glorious morning. The light is radiant and has a gentle golden hue. The sky is blue and the birdies are singing away. Dew glistens on the grass. It is truly lovely.

Yesterday morning I woke from my fractured sleep at 03.40. This morning I was still awake at 02:40. I have no clue as to why. Normally I’m in bed by 21:30 however yesterday evening I had not a shred of tiredness in my body, or mind. So I did what I counselled my clients to do when I had my treatment practice … I did not worry about it. I gave it nary a thought. I watched the tellybox, catching up on a couple of programmes and I binged on 4 episodes of ‘Silent Witness’ that I haven’t seen before. I indulged in a mug of delicious, rich hot chocolate and when the heating went off I snuggled up with my hot water bottle. I really enjoyed myself.

Quite late into the evening, well past bed time for most of my neighbours, I remembered I hadn’t put the recycling out. In the darkness out on my patio by the kitchen I did my best to sort it all out without making a noise. When I took the box round the front of the house so I could leave it at the end of the garden path where it borders the street and where it provides the bin men with as shorter distance as possible to walk to pick it up I stopped a while. What a wonderful night. The moon was luminous. It was so still and quiet. Autumn was very present, it’s signature written in the timeless aroma of woodsmoke in the cool, crisp air. I breathed in deeply and gave thanks for being alive.

I eventually went to bed and awoke after 5 hours unbroken sleep. 5 hours! I can’t remember the last time that happened. I feel refreshed and positive. Calmer than I have for a very long time. I shan’t query why. I shall just be in this place and enjoy the feeling.

I regarded the title of this journal just now. Seeing the word ‘disabled’ attached to myself is really making me scratchy. Very ill at ease. I really do not like it. I’m going to leave this thought here for now … I will return to it. And I may well change the title at the top of these words. Gosh, even as I write this I can feel my face flushing and my typing has sped up. How interesting. My aversion to this word has viscerally affected my physical being. I get that. I get how many disabled people do not like this label. That’s why I never attach it to myself. But how else can I bring awareness to the challenges faced by those with limited mobility in the wider world and the workplace without calling it by the label people recognise?

I need to ponder this.

My workshop was interesting yesterday. Free. 5 people scheduled to attend, only 3 turned up. And herein lies the reason why I stopped running courses for the public years ago. When they are free my bills don’t get paid and people have no investment driving their attendance; and when there is a fee few people want to pay it. My fellow attendees were a delight, the trainer was a nice fellow. The course content was outdated and the clipart was even older. However I learned a lot - not so much to do with the bones of marketing but more about identifying what I really want to do. More on that in another post maybe but suffice to say I came away identifying my narrative and the USP it gives me in a new light. And that is very valuable.

Market day today. I love our local Farmer’s Market. I try to pop in every Thursday and Saturday morning. I always bump into folks I know, some I’ve known for 2 decades. I like that. It roots my peripatetic soul in this landscape where I have lived on and off for 30 years. Today will be special as I will not go again until mid-December and also because I am meeting a dear friend for a coffee. We have not seen each other for a while however we keep in touch through the magic that is FaceBook. I am looking forward to seeing her.

I then have to wash sheets - why is getting a king-sized duvet cover on and off so hard? A final clean of the house - I realised just now that it might be a bit of a challenge to bend down for the next 6 weeks - and then there’s the food shopping to do. There is quite a list. I have an aversion to online shopping because I love choosing fruit and veg and pondering one brand over another. I always have. I think it is because I truly value the privilege of choice.

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