S + 1. It's all over. Well. surgery is. Recovery now begins.
All went well. Apart from the whole canula business. Despite my pleas we still had a very painful aborted attempt however on the positive side, it was only one. The second try and all was well. A minute later and I was off to la la land.
Modern anaesthetics are wonderful. Yes, you feel pretty dire when you wake up in the recovery room but that only lasts for an hour or so, the sore throat from the respirator tube for a day or so. Apparently my first words were,
"Do I have a plate as well as screws?"
"Two screws and K wires," came the reply. And by the looks, a big toe that is about half a centimetre shorter than it was when I woke up yesterday. All good then. And no immediate pain thanks to a nerve block round my ankle. Fantastic!
I am so glad I planned so well for this op, right down to practising getting in and out of bed, sleeping with my feet elevated, walking just on the heel of my left foot. Of course in 'real life' it is not as easy as when I practised, nowhere near but it is not strange and that, for me at least, counts for a lot. I feel less helpless and that is vital, for my mental and physical health.
There is nothing like sleeping in your own bed, is there? I had a good 6 hours kip last night. Most happy about that. Can only hope tonight is the same however as I sit here now at noon I am not holding my breath. I started my oral painkillers last night in preparation for the nerve block wearing off. Which it is, rapidly. I would be lying if I said it didn't hurt. Because it does. A lot. However, pain is relative. What is important is the objective of all this ... no pain when I stand and when I walk in the future. It'll take a while to get there but every day from now will be better.
I decided yesterday evening that cannot continue to use the original title I had for this journey. I just cannot under any circumstances use this label of 'disabled.' Believe me, even with 'Fred' and 'Ginger' my crutches and my oh-so-fashionable orthopaedic shoe there are a myriad of things I cannot do today that I could do yesterday. However I just do not feel dis-abled. 'Less-abled' ... absolutely. Very much so. I really appreciate I am very fortunate as there is an end in sight to all this, even though that might take at least 6 months until I am back to doing all I was doing yesterday and even then I still might not be able to do all the very active things I could do before this surgery. However, even if this level of mobility remained as it is today I cannot think of myself as disabled. It feels to me such a limiting word, derogatory too. It sets boundaries, in my psyche and my physique. I need to ponder this more.
Through the magic of the internet I have been surrounded by the love and support of friends all over the world as well as of those at home. What a blessing. I am a very lucky girl.
I am going back to bed now. In truth I am gritting my teeth. I need to see if I can sleep. I won't feel the pain for a while and in my experience when you wake up you feel a million times better. Nothing will have changed pain-wise but I can guarantee my relationship with it will be better.