Miserable, glum and needing a talking to. Perfect description of today's weather. It has been lashing down since yesterday afternoon. There are floods all over the place, the branches on the oak tree at the end of the garden are bouncing around all over the place and my social media feeds are full of posts of people grumbling that the weather is stopping them doing things.
Miserable, glum and needing a talking to also perfectly described me when I woke up this morning. More than that I woke up crying. Not sobbing, more teary. 'All at sea' best expresses how I felt.
I share this not because I am looking for pity. Far, far from it.
I share this because even when you have a very positive mindset sometimes things - life, weather, finances, work, family, anything at all - just overwhelm. A wave of feelings and in that moment everything feels out of control, often hidden from the sight of those around us.
Sometimes I fight the tears. Today I didn't. I let them fall. My own raindrops. And like the ones that fall from the clouds they can be cleansing and nourishing, for our growth and transformation. Today was a good day; I was able to sit with my tears, not over-analyse as is my wont sometimes. I sat, gave myself a little pep talk and let whatever it was that was overwhelming me wash over and go, without worrying about it was I was letting go of.
Reflecting on this now what really got to me this morning was the fact that yet again freedom of choice had been taken away from me. I do like being out in this weather. I wrap up warm and dry and get out for a walk. . My favourite place to walk when it is wild like this is Woolacombe beach on the North Devon Coast.
The photo above was taken about 20 years ago. It was a very cold winter's day. I remember it well. I was covered top to toe in neoprene with the exception of my cheek bones. The water was warmer than the air. It was a fantastic day. I was never that good in the waves, I often got trashed and not long after this photo was taken, in about a foot of water, I was up-ended! I was 'all at sea.' Literally.
All at sea this morning in bed. All at sea in the water two decades ago. No difference. In both cases I was floundering yet in both cases it worked out ok. Because I didn't fight the situation. So easy in the saltwater sea and so very hard sometimes in the emotional one.
In other news ...
England has just thrashed the Kiwis 19-7 in the semi-final of the 2019 Rugby World Cup. Even if I hadn't brightened up by the time I turned the tellybox on to watch this would have brightened my day, As it was it lifted my spirits even higher!!!